J.M. Coetzee 《Youth》

柯慈的自傳體小說，記下了他十九歲至二十四歲的經歷及心路歷程。他在南非取得文學及數學學位後，有感南非政局動盪而遠赴倫敦，投奔藝術。雖然他修讀數學，在倫敦任職電腦工程師，但柯慈一直醉心文學藝術，嚮往逃離家園，在異鄉展開新生。

《Youth》以第三身寫成，誠實又鉅細無遺地描寫出一個文藝青年的掙扎及迷惘。他是個刻苦、自律的人，從十九歲開始便自立，半工讀去維持生計。即使在倫敦工作，仍於工餘時間到圖書館埋首研究，完成碩士論文。他對自己的目標很清晰，認為只有藝術及愛值得毫不保留地獻身，縱使生活艱難仍沒有放棄創作，甚至嘗試模仿前人的筆觸去寫作。柯慈以旁觀者的角度去撰寫自己的青年時期，這種寫作手法顯得抽離，一如他亦是個內歛、敏感的人。他的情感並不外露，處理親密關係往往欲言又止、不作辯解，或許如此，他在旁人眼中可能是淡漠而疏離。不過我更相信那是因為他不擅面對情感，想法太多往往演變成桎梏。

讀《Youth》時其實不無共鳴，即使已經超越主角的年齡，書中所刻劃的處境仍能感同身受：離鄉別井的人如何在外地生存，那種渴望逃離卻發現始終有所牽絆的糾結，在創作上遇到的瓶頸繼而產生的自我懷疑。然而柯慈始終相信，沒有人能確保今日所遇到的困難必然能把我們磨練成更好的人。我們唯一能做的，就只有不斷努力，在失敗中堅持，靜候生命給你的機會。

書摘：

“Art cannot be fed on deprivation alone, on longing, loneliness. There must be intimacy, passion, love as well.” (P.10)

“Happy people are not interesting. Better to accept the burden of unhappiness and try to turn it into something worthwhile, poetry or music or painting: that is what he believes.” (P.14)

"Like Pound and Eliot, he must be prepared to endure all that life has stored up for him, even if that means exile, obscure labour, and obloquy. And if he fails the highest test of art, if it turns out that after all he does not have the blessed gift, then he must be prepared to endure that too: the immovable verdict of history, the fate of being, despite all his present and future sufferings, minor. Many are called, few are chosen. For every major poet a cloud of minor poets, like gnats buzzing around a lion." (P.20)

“Misery is a school for the soul. From the water of misery one emerges on the far bank purified, strong, ready to take up again the challenges of a life of art.” (P.65)

“Only love and art are, in his opinion, worthy of giving oneself to without reserve.” (P.85)

“What more is required than a kind of stupid, insensitive doggedness, as lover, as writer, together with a readiness to fail and fail again?” (P.167)